GermanyxItaly Keep Me In Your Memory

"Don't…!" The Italian cried.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a choice." Ludwig said as he bent down to grab the handle of his bag.

"You can't!" Feliciano pled, fresh tears blinding him.

He reached out for the German in front of him and grasped onto his uniform, entangling his fingers in the fabric.  "You can't leave me! You can't!" he continued to cry

Ludwig tightened his grip on his bag. He let out a shaky breath. Why did it have to be so hard?

"I'm sorry, Italy." He said plainly, trying to keep himself calm.

Ludwig continued walking but Feliciano's grip tightened, making it slightly harder for him to continue as if nothing was happening.

"I-I promise! I'll get up extra early to train if that will make you happy! I'll try to be stronger if that's what you want me to be! I'll be anything you want me to be! Just don't go!"

Ludwig squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep himself from getting teary eyed. He didn't realize how desperate the little Italian would be. He didn't say anything; he just tried to keep himself strong enough to get out the door. A shaky hand reached for the knob of the door that would forever close him off to everything that he had ever lived for.

"NO!" Feliciano wept.

He fell to his knees and grasped Ludwig's pant leg.

"I lost you once! I can't lose you again!" he said as his tears departed from his face onto the floor.

The German froze; a slight chill that made him feel sick ran down his spine.

"Wha- what did you just say?" he asked, his voice uneasy.

Feliciano couldn't reply. He only sobbed as he tightened his grip.

"What are you talking about?" Ludwig asked, desperate to get an answer out of him.

The Italian calmed himself enough to speak. "I can't live my life without you. Don't leave me again. I couldn't handle it a second time."

Ludwig stared at him, completely confused. He had no idea what to say to him. What the hell is he talking about? He thought to himself. He turned to look at the weeping Italian.

"The moment I saw you, I knew it was you! The moment that tomato box opened and I saw your eyes staring at me and I knew you finally came back to me like you promised!" Feliciano looked up from the floor and opened his eyes to look into the German's. "But you were different. I remembered you but you didn't remember me. What happened to you to make you forget? I sensed his spirit but it wasn't all there. I pretended I had never seen you before, hoping that one day you would finally remember but you still haven't. I'm afraid if you leave me again I won't be as lucky as I was last time and I'll never see you again."

Ludwig gazed into Feliciano's eyes. He had never seen him so serious before.

"I-I don't understand." He said.

Feliciano sighed, feeling like his attempts to make him remember were useless. "Ever since the 900's, I've always loved you."

Ludwig's heart skipped a beat. Why did that sound so familiar? His eyes widened. A sudden flash of a small girl in a cute servant dress came up in his mind. No, it wasn't a girl. It was… a boy? No, it was a girl. He couldn't tell. She looked sad. She had been crying and was looking straight at him.

"You're really going? No!" she cried. "Don't go Holy Rome…!"

Ludwig came back to reality. The little girl looked just like Italy. Then it hit him. The little girl was Italy.

Ludwig dropped his bag and picked the Italian up off the floor. He wrapped his arms around him to keep him from falling to the floor again. Feliciano trembled in his arms and rested his hands on his chest to support himself.

Ludwig looked deep into Feliciano's eyes, so deep he swore he could see his soul. He searched them to make sure he wasn't hiding anything from him.

"Italy… who was I before I was Germany?" Ludwig asked, the question feeling like a foreign language as it passed his lips.

"If I do tell you, you have to promise me you won't leave me." He said.

"I can't do that." Ludwig said sadly

Feliciano started to sob again. "Why?" he howled, covering his eyes with his hands and pressing his face into the German's chest. "Why? Why? Why?'

Ludwig tightened his grip around Feliciano and closed his eyes as he rested his head on top of his.

"Italy, you have to be strong for me. I know you can do that. I know how strong you can be." He said.

"I can't! I'm so scared" he said between sobs.

Ludwig sighed. He didn't know what to do. "Italy, ich liebe dich."

Feliciano cried harder, his tears soaking through Ludwig's uniform. "Ti amo, Germany! Ti amo!"

Ludwig's eyes started to water. The way he said it he could tell it went beyond friendship.

"Ti amo con tutto il cuore!" Feliciano cried.

Ludwig lost it. Tears began to blind him as they rolled off his face and onto the Italian's head. He held onto him as tightly as he could without hurting him. He didn't realize how much he actually loved him until now. He felt himself start to shake with an overload of emotion that he wasn't use to feeling.

"I won't let you go! I'll never let you go!" the German cried.

Feliciano moved his hands from his face and wrapped his arms around the German as tightly as he could, his sobs becoming heavier. It felt weird to see him cry which only made him cry harder. He wished that he could be strong. He wanted to show him that he could be there for Ludwig too. He wished that he could do what he had done for him everyday, but he was too weak.

The two men pulled away slightly from each other to stare into each other's eyes. Despite the fact that he was still crying Italy smiled at him.

"Holy Roman Empire." He said, smiling.

"Huh?"

"That's who you were, and there wasn't a day that I didn't think of you after you left me." He said.

"Why?" Ludwig asked himself angrily. "Why can't I remember?"

"Something terrible must have happened to you."

Ludwig closed his eyes, hoping he might get another glimpse of the tiny Italy from his past.

"I've done so many things, hoping something might make you remember, but none of it has helped." Feliciano said.

"Were… were we… together?" Ludwig asked, slightly embarrassed to ask.

Feliciano looked at him in confusion until it hit him what he was asking. "Oh…I guess you could say we were."

"Were you happy?" he asked.

"Yes, I was so happy. You sometimes scared me but you still made me happy. No one else could make me so happy and even to this day nothing can make me as happy as when I'm with my Germany."

The German smiled at him. He never thought he would have the ability to make someone happy. Soon he realized that the Italian was still crying which made his smile fade into a frown. "But you're not happy now, are you?"

The Italian's smile faded as well. "Only if you leave me again."

Ludwig stared at him, wishing he didn't have to go. "I want… I want to make you happy again." He said, his voice showing signs that he was getting nervous.

He quickly leaned in, their lips connecting. Ludwig felt incredibly awkward since he had never kissed anyone before, or at least he had no memory of it. The Italian's eyes widened. He was surprised that he would do something so sudden. He never thought that Germany would be the one to kiss him. He could feel that Ludwig was nervous. He closed his eyes and moved his hand up to the German's hair, running his fingers through it to attempt to relax him more.

The kiss became more passionate, starting to feel more natural. Ludwig couldn't help but to feel like this was how it always should have been. It felt like their lips were meant for each other's, like they fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. He opened his lips slightly, hoping that Feliciano would get the hint that he wanted to go farther into the kiss. Feliciano darted his tongue into Ludwig mouth slightly, not all the way, making sure that he was comfortable with it. He responded by his slipping his tongue into Feliciano's mouth and exploring it, slightly nervous, worried that he wasn't doing it right. Feliciano happily did the same, entangling their tongues together as he gripped the back of Ludwig's jacket as it became more intense.

They pulled away, both breathless as they stared intently into each other's eyes, a new bond of passion connecting their eyes as they saw the desire burning in them. They both held each other tightly as if their very existence would dwindle away the moment they let go.

"I can't go on without you." Feliciano said sadly.

"I promise I'll come back to you." Ludwig said.

"You said that last time!" The Italian said as he started to cry again.

"And I came back, didn't I?" Ludwig said with a sweet smile as he wiped a tear away from Feliciano's eye with his thumb, caressing his cheek when he finished.

Feliciano closed his eyes and he brought his hand up to hold the hand that rested against his face. "What if you forget again? What if you leave and something happens to you? What if you can't come back to me?"

"I won't let that happen. I'll fight for you, the thought of you will keep me alive."

Feliciano crashed into him with a hug. He started sobbing again. They both knew that the likelihood of Ludwig coming back alive was slim. The only reason they needed him was because they lost too many men on the field. Germany was strong but not even he could take on an entire army that was only growing stronger.

Ludwig held the trembling Italian tightly with one arm while he stroked his hair, careful to avoid his curl.

"Stay strong for me, okay? When I come back we can do anything you want." Ludwig said

"O-okay." He said through tears.

"Ever since the 900's, I've always loved you." he said.

Feliciano gasped and his eyes became wide. Hearing those words from him again made time around him freeze. Why was it when he himself said it it didn't affect him at all but when Ludwig said it his heart stopped?

"Ludwig…" Feliciano cried, unable to say anything else.

Ludwig smiled to himself. He didn't know any other words that would tell him how much he loved him and he knew right then that he had chosen the right ones.

"I have to go now." He said sadly.

"I understand." The Italian said sadly.

"I'll write everyday. I won't go a day without thinking of you." He said as he walked away.

"I'll write back! I'll think of you every hour of everyday! I promise!" Feliciano called to him.

Ludwig smiled at him. He opened the door and was given one last kiss before he said his final goodbye as he closed the door behind him.

--

After a few days had passed, Feliciano received his first letter from Ludwig. He squealed with excitement as he opened it. He received a new letter almost everyday and he replied to every one of them. Ludwig rarely talked about battles he was in and what was happening in the war, he assumed it was because he didn't want to scare him. Feliciano was almost grateful but was still worried at the same time, afraid that he was keeping things from him.

One day, he opened the mailbox and was surprised to see that there was no letter. He didn't worry too much about it. He didn't always get a letter everyday because the mail might have been a little backed up. He knew he would get one the next day.

He opened it and was surprised that there was still no letter. He was starting to worry but he knew if he thought bad things then they were going to come true. He thought that maybe he was too busy or maybe too tired to write to him the past couple of days.

The next day, still no letter. His hands shook. They were going to come. He promised he would be okay so they would have to keep coming, right?

A week had passed and he still hadn't received a letter. He lightly cried to himself.

"No! Germany said I have to stay strong! He's okay! I know he is!" He said to himself.

Another day had passed. That's when Feliciano finally received a letter.

"Are you Feliciano Vargas?" asked the man at his door.

"Ye-yes." He shook with fear as he gripped the broom that he was holding for support. He was afraid of the words that were coming next.

"We regret to inform you that Ludwig Beilschmidt died as of last week while on duty." He said, no sign of emotion in his voice.

Feliciano dropped the broom.

"No…" He whispered quietly to himself.

"No!" It started to sink in what just happened. Ludwig wasn't coming back.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!" He screamed.

He gripped the man's uniform in front of him, desperate for any kind of support.

The man made no move to support him, but also didn't make a move to get him off.

Feliciano wept and just kept screaming. "You promised! You promised!" He repeated over and over.

"Why would you lie to me?" he screamed.

He fell to his knees and wept like he had never wept before.

"I'm sorry for your loss." The man said, still no emotion in his voice. "This was the last letter he wrote addressed to you."

With a shaky hand Feliciano took it from him. He wiped his tears away before he looked at it.

"I'll leave you now." He said as he closed the door behind him.

The room was silent. He wasn't sure if he should read it or not. This was the last time he would ever get to read an unread letter from him again. He sighed. He decided that it might have had something important written inside it. He slowly took it out of its white envelope, ignoring the bloodstain that was left behind.

"Dear Feliciano,

The times we have shared together have been the best moments of my life. Before you I never had any friends. I scared everyone away. At first it was unintentional but I think I slowly started doing it on purpose, afraid to get close to someone, afraid that they might betray me. I tried to scare you away too but you just kept coming back. I still to this day wonder why. Why did you give me, of all people, a chance? I should have been the one person that you should have been terrified of.

I might have been annoyed with you at first but the day you told me that you wanted to be friends was the day that I realized you weren't just another country. You were different. You saw me for who I was: alone. You were strange and I didn't always understand your actions but as time passed I learned to look forward to the way you would react differently to something than what other people would consider "normal".

Also, I learned to like you for who you were as I got use to you. As time passed, "like" quickly turned into love. I have never loved anyone or anything the way I love you, Feliciano. I love you with all my heart. I've never regretted coming to save you when you felt unsafe. I've never regretted waking up every night to find that you had snuck into my bed again. I've never regretted losing sleep trying to calm you down whenever you had another nightmare. And I'll never regret the day that I kissed you.

I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. You're the only one who has seen me cry and I don't even regret that. I do regret having to leave and every time that I've hurt you. And now I regret not being able to hold you or look into your beautiful innocent eyes one last time.

Something terrible has happened. I don't want to scare you but I'm dying. It's only hard on me, not because I feel my life is too short, but because I can't stand to imagine how you will feel after you read this. The minute they told me, all I could see was your crying and terrified face. I don't want to see you afraid, I want to see you happy, but it seems that will be the last memory I'll have of you.

Please go live with someone you can trust. I know how hard it is on you to be alone. I'm sure Romano will happily take you if it means that he gets to be reunited with his brother and the "potato bastard" will be gone.

I don't think you would ever actually do it, but whatever you do, keep living. I'll always be there with you in spirit. As long as you wear that iron cross necklace I'll always be right there. When ever you're scared I'll be there. Just close your eyes and you'll be able to see me. I'll be Germany or Holy Rome. I'll be whoever you see me best as, but I'll be there.

So please don't cry, because I'm still here. I swear by my grave that I'm still there with you. I'll love you forever and just like I said, I'll never let you go. If you have to let me go I'll understand. Do what ever makes you feel happy because I'll be happy as long as you are. That's what will keep my spirit alive.

Ich liebe dich.

Love
Ludwig,"

Feliciano sobbed. He wanted Germany to hold him again. Why did he have to be taken? He dropped the letter and the envelope it was in to floor. He covered his face with his arm as he cried into it. He heard a loud clink hit the floor. He stopped crying and turned to the noise. It came from the envelope. He tipped it upside down and shook it to make whatever was inside come out.

Something red and sparkly fell out and rolled around on the floor. He picked it up and discovered it was the tomato ring that Germany tried to give to him on Valentine's Day. He stared at it. Why didn't he wear it? Why didn't he see what he was trying to do that day? He felt completely stupid that he didn't get the message the first time around.

"All this time…"

He started crying again. He picked it up and held it, looking at it as if he were looking at Germany again.

"If I say yes will you keep your promise this time? Will you stay with me forever?"